Wow. Relationships. That's a biggie.
I'd like to start (so I will, it's my blog) by discussing the emptiness people feel inside. The feeling of lack. The emptiness that they endlessly try to fill and 'complete' themselves.
The unenlightened human condition you could say. Perhaps the beating heart of our motivations in everyday life.
'Ah, once I get this, i'll be complete and happy. If I have that car, wow, that's all i've ever wanted. If I was a millionaire i'd never complain again....'
Now, there are many ways that people will do this. We have the obvious ones like money, fame, alcohol, drugs, gambling, over eating, obsession with success, the list is in fact very long. You could argue that people will use these things to escape certain emotions - which is a fair point - but I feel the whole 'getting something to feel differently' paradigm is essentially, one and the same.
Just about any way someone can think of, or be convinced into thinking, they will use to fill this imaginary hole to become complete. It's the core of the advertising industry. That's the centre for which the structure of unnecessary sale of 'things' turns.
Buy this, you'll be sexier. Smell like this and women will want to have sex with you. Buy this watch and everything will fall into place in your life. Makes sense, right?
The structure is this - if I buy this, i'll feel that. That's advertising principle #1. The perpetual unattainable carrot on a string.
Well relationships can fall into this category too.
If I have her, i'll be complete. How many times have we heard the phrases 'I need you', 'you complete me', 'Everything I am, I give to you', 'tie me up and i'll walk on all fours and bark like a dog..' << not so much? Again, it's the same thing. Trying to fill that lack of completeness, but this time, it's a person that gets the label of 'life completer'.
I think sometimes it goes unnoticed because with two people running the same system, you support eachother. 'I complete you, you complete me. Perfect. Let's leave it this way, and let's never speak of it again.'
If we take a sneaky peek at nature, we see a completely different paradigm in operation. The male basically goes round getting his mack on with any available female. The pimp. It's all about reproduction, they usually don't stick around and help bring up the offspring. Oh no.
But why is this?
Is it because they don't feel the need to fill this illusionary hole? They aren't looking for completeness like humans are?
Pff...I don't know. Most animals won't give me a direct answer to this one. You'll have to make your own minds up.
Eckhart Tolle says this...
"True love is transcendental. Without recognition of the formless within yourself, there can be no true transcendental love. If you cannot recognize the formless in yourself, you cannot recognize yourself in the other. The recognition of the other as yourself in essence – not the form – is true love. As long as the conditioned mind operates and you are completely identified with it, there’s no true love. There may be substitutes, things that are called “love” but are not true love."
And I agree. What most people call 'love' is actually attachment. This kind of sentence illustrates that..
'Of course I love you, I really don't know why I slept with 3 different women on our anniversary. I wasn't thinking, but I do know this, I love you.'
I'm currently single, through choice. I don't need anyone to make me feel better. That's not to say if I met someone I enjoyed spending time with, found attractive, shared interests with and our lives happened to flow then I would enjoy a relationship with them. But it's a different type of relationship isn't it? It's not doomed from the start. It doesn't have it's foundations in a unspoken structure of 'let's help eachother stop feeling lonely and afraid in this big, dark world.'
I'm looking forward to meeting that person, because it will be fun. For both of us. And NOT because I need anything from them, and NOT because they need anything from me.
Hopefully she's hot though. I may be a Buddha, but we all love a hottie... :p
That's all for now, be great to get some feedback..