Thursday, 15 December 2011

Experience of the structure in action..

The task of a philosopher, is to essentially find his own answers to his own questions. It's easy to generalize and assume everyone is operating under the same paradigm, which i'm not saying IS the case, (i'm also not saying it isn't) but I can only reliably go on my experience. So I shall..

In my last post, I talked about how being liberated is to see that the self doesn't exist, but also how the remaining thought structure still remains and still feeds a self that isn't. Basically the same system runs, and i'd like to share an experience of how that has been true for me.

I was in Vegas last week. The centre on which Vegas turns is that it's the party capital of the world. That's what it does. That's it's thing. Obviously we did the club thing etc (what happens in Vegas...) but what i'd like to share with you today is how I felt when approaching girls.

Firstly, let's not judge me here. Yes, i'm liberated, and yes I talked about sacrifice, but look - if this whole male-female attraction thing didn't exist, neither would we. Boys like girls, and girls like boys. It happens. Get over it.

So.

What I found was that when I wanted to go talk to a girl, a hot girl, i'd get nervous. Now, i'm not saying there's anything wrong in that, i'm not judging it, but it's that structure in operation isn't it?

If there is no me, no self, then what was nervous?

I was actually reading Ciaran's posts while over there. Perfect timing actually because he spoke of fear, and how people try to repress it. How it's all vanity. The trick is to be completely honest and actually realize you ARE nervous/afraid. And there's nothing wrong in that.

Now i'm home, and have time to reflect, it's bang on the money. The thoughts, the programming was still working. The vanity thing Ciaran talked about. I was being vain. I didn't want to get shot down, and that's where the nerves came from.

The fear of looking bad. Vanity.

It still operates. That's the evidence of it, in my experience. My thoughts were still geared to protect a self that doesn't exist. I didn't really look at it. I mean, if I had REALLY looked into it, i'd have seen that working. I'd have seen that my thoughts were protecting a self image that doesn't exist. That's it.

This is how it could of gone...(it didn't because i'm so suave, and sophisticated....But I digress)

Me: Hey....who are you?

Super Hot: Fuck off.

Me:...........

Then what? The sea flood? Plates shift? Nuclear war? The Universe explode?

Nope.

Nothing would have happened. Would my ego have been bruised?

What ego?

So what's up with that?

Well, the structure was running, and I got caught in it. I didn't see the structure running, because what was I being vain to protect? What is there to protect?

HAHA!! The secret to approaching women. Here it is. Fearless.

Seriously though, can you see that too? How the vanity thing from pre-liberation was still there? How the structure still operated?

Even though there is seen to be nothing at the core, it still fed nothing. Tried to make nothing look good. More importantly, didn't want to make nothing look bad.

There it is. Direct experience of what I talked about yesterday.

"But where do you take that from here?" I hear you cry. Well, thoughts happen. This I know, I don't know where they come from, but, alas, they do. And this structure still exists, but for me the key is acknowledging it's existence. So it's like, yeah, thoughts are happening, and maybe they create emotions, but it's not who I am.

They exist, and I acknowledge they do, but it doesn't matter. Yeah, i'm nervous. Of? Protecting a self that doesn't exist. That's the autonomous process in action. And I caught it (in retrospect). Still take action.

Most people get caught up in it, and when they think these thoughts, it completely takes them over. Hence the whole NLP, hypnosis thing where they essentially re-program your thoughts to be happier, more confident etc. But that only works if the thoughts are identified with.

That's what I have for now, hope you enjoyed.

Word.

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