Sunday, 11 December 2011

I'm back..

So i'm back after a week in Vegas. Yes I know I talked about sacrifice, but this was booked ages ago, and I couldn't let my friends down. Plus Vegas is like, REALLY fun. But anyway...

Pretty crazy thing happened while I was over there, I thought I was having a heart attack. Seriously. At 23. And no, I don't do drugs, ever.

I was lying in bed, my chest started aching, felt compression on my chest, then I had a wave of nausea, then my breathing tightened. I went into my friends, and informed them of my condition. My vision started to go blurry and I thought I was going to pass out. They said I went really pale and was sweating.

It kinda sucked to be honest. Called a doctor, went to hospital. Tests came back fine. They don't know what it was. Reassuring...

What was strange was that I didn't actually have a fear of dying. My overwhelming sensation was the way i'd leave things with people if I did die there and then. (Yes it sounds dramatic now, but for a while I thought it was a heart attack, so forgive me...FYI - first symptoms aren't always painful, it can start with an aching and progress..)

I won't go into detail, but I thought about the people I needed to speak to, and how I always think i'm going to live forever. (intellectually of course I don't, but i'm always putting things off) A kind of 'i'll do it later' mentality. But that clawing sensation of 'it's going to end now' was a real eye opener for me.

Get stuff done NOW.

And although you'll probably read this, and add it to the list of 'things i'll do when I have time', for me, it was a direct experience of 'I NEED to do things now, because I could die, like NOW.'

I mean, if you were on the very edge, where you had that wake up call, it could end RIGHT NOW, what would you do? Would you keep skirting around the edges, or would you dive right in?

Really think about this, because we live our lives so safely. So grey. So average. We never push the boundaries. We're content with a 5 out of 10, as long as it's safe, and known.

But wake up, really. Because you're going to die, and you're still carrying that grudge, or not telling that one person you love them. So do it.

Do it now.

I see a lot of people in the forum, and they're playing it safe. Not pushing it, they skirt round the edge, essentially they're scared. What if. I don't know this, shall I do it? It's uncomfortable, i'll come back later. I'll read some more, intellectualise it some more. Hell, i'll just ignore it for a while.

Stop it. Man up, do it now. Whatever it is you need to, and YOU know what it is you need to do.

So do it.

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